dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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