dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
