omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize