He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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