boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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