Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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