you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
