All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
