My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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