jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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