Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
