Do you still have your period?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
