I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
