do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
