i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize