The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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