Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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