Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
