paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
