i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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