Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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