I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
