Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
