He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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