umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
