he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
