I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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