I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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