I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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