New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
