All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
