Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just had sex on a roof
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
