This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
