why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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