My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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