I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
