you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
