Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
