I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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