They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
