When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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