Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
