I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
