my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
