Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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