How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
