She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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