Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
