Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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