i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize