Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
