I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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