my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
