idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
