I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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