Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
