the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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