tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
