i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
