No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
