Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
