Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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