just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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