thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
