People with herpes should wear stickers.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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