All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
