Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
